the story of us
by mcnamaras
Summary: and all i've known since eighteen hours ago, is green eyes, and freckles, and your smile in the back of my mind making me feel like... / excerpts from the diary of maya hart.


i.

Dear Diary,

The interesting thing about the subway is how many different routes you can come across. There's different stops, different paths to take, each one more unique than the last. The people that get on and off at each stop are so different than the people that surround me, and I love to make up stories about their adventures.

Crazy Hat? She's off to the poshest restaurant in New York to meet with a hat salesman. The old man who smiles at everyone even though he doesn't have teeth? The dentist, to get new dentures. The green eyed, tan, absolutely gorgeous boy that looks about my age? He's gotta be a model.

But he isn't. I can tell. He looked new, and scared, and I think that maybe I stared at him a little too long, because soon Riley notices, and is instantly smitten.

"Oh, Maya," she says softly to me later. "He's my Prince Charming, I just know he is!"

So I plaster on a smile, ask the guy out, and dump him all within ten seconds. And then I pushed Riley onto his lap, and watched any sliver of a chance I had go down the toilet. Hope is for suckers.

ii.

Dear Diary,

I think Mr. Matthews is just trying to confuse me, at this point. I mean, he tells me that I need to keep an eye on Riley and Lucas, that they're the next Cory and Topanga, and then he pairs ME up with Ranger Rick for this stupid muffin project.

Does he not see that this is exactly what I'm trying to avoid? I can't be paired with him on projects, I can't be his lab partner, I can't get to know him, because if I do, I know that there will be no stopping the fall.

Can't Matthews see that? I thought he was supposed to be some all-knowing, insightful wizard who swooped in at just the right time and solved all our problems. But, apparently, he's just out to ruin my life.

But it's a grade, and it's his grade, so I went to his stupid Ranger Rick house, and met his mom, and his sister, and maybe fell a little bit more in love with his smile. And I felt like I was home, for the first time ever.

I have GOT to transfer out of this class.

iii.

Dear Diary,

I wish he loved me too. I wish that he had chosen me instead of her, I wish that he would realize that I am so in love with him that it hurts. I wish that he would fall in love with my smile, and my eyes, and all the thing I am, and all the things I'm not.

I wish that he had asked me on that stupid subway date, that I was the one who got to kiss him. But instead I stood with Farkle, and I think maybe both of our hearts broke a little tonight. I hate feelings.

iv.

Dear Diary,

As it turns out, Lucas the Good, isn't all that good. His friend Zay moved here, and he spilled a few secrets that I don't particularly think Lucas wanted out into the open.

Riley practically had a panic attack when she heard. I don't know why. I mean, no matter who he was back in Texas, Lucas has changed. He's still the Huckleberry that we know and love. I don't know why Riley can't see that.

They had to wash a car together. He told Riley he was worth it. She's mad now, but I know she'll forgive him. That's the thing about them, they'll always come to each other. Destiny has a funny way of caring about me like that.

v.

Dear Diary,

My classmates are so not helping my situation. They voted me and LUCAS best couple. Me and LUCAS. As in Huckleberry. Ranger Rick. Hopalong. Sundance. LUCAS FRIAR AND I WERE VOTED BEST COUPLE.

I know I should feel bad for Riley, but is it so wrong that I really just want to jump around and scream? All this is doing is telling me that someone else can see it too. Lots of someones, actually. And Lucas didn't seem too upset by it. Maybe he can see it too? A girl can dream, I guess.

The only downside is that now Riley is throwing a tantrum and trying to change her personality, or whatever. Nothing new. But she's still my best friend, so what can you do but help? I just hope this doesn't end like the last time, her and Lucas riding off into the sunset. My jaw is starting to hurt from all the fake smiling.

vi.

Dear Diary,

HE WANTS ME TO BE HAPPY. LUCAS FRIAR LOOKED ME IN THE EYES AND TOLD ME THAT HE WANTS ME TO BE HAPPY. He's fighting for MY art program, not Zay's ballet, or Farkle's plays. MY art.

We're going in front of the board tomorrow, and Lucas seems confident that we can get them to change their minds. I'm a little worried, though. Art is kind of the only thing I have, you know? It's the one escape I have from reality, and if I lose it, I don't know what I'll do.

But, I trust Lucas. He has a good plan. And he's not going to let me fail. He's good like that.

vii.

Dear Diary,

He came back. After nine years, my dad came back. I mean, yeah, I invited him, but I really only expected a call. I didn't think he would show up at Topangas. I didn't think he'd come prepared with an explanation. But he did. And he had so many good reasons for leaving. Everything he said made sense. He wasn't ready.

But no matter what his reasons were, I can't forgive him. I can't just forget that he left me with half a mom for eight years. I can't just forget that he walked out.

I didn't come home last night. I couldn't face my mom. I couldn't have a conversation with her. I couldn't.

I went to his house instead. Nothing happened. Unless you count me crying and effectively ruining his shirt. I don't know why I went there. Maybe it's because Lucas has always just been there, and I knew he wouldn't turn me away. I really don't know. I'm a little confused.

viii.

Dear Diary,

I love Texas.

I hate Texas?

I don't really know where I'm at with Texas. So many things happened on this trip, I just...

First, Lucas rides a bull and almost gets himself killed. And I swore to never talk to him again. But it's all about impressing Riley, and making Pappy Joe proud. And once again I'm the one who gets forgotten.

But then it got crazy. Riley came and sat with me, and we talked for a while. And she knows. She figured it out. I'm surprised it took her this long, quite frankly, I really thought she was more observant.

But then, as if it wasn't bad enough that she found out, she also told Lucas. Probably because she's trying some twisted form of sabotage or something. So now, Lucas knows how I feel about him, but he's still totally hung up on Riley.

But, at the campfire... he almost kissed me. And I thought that I maybe had a chance. But then we went on dates, and it was awkward, and I may or may not have dropped a smoothie on his head. Oh, and he told Riley that he doesn't want to be her brother. I don't really know what that means, but I'm not looking forward to what comes next.

ix.

Dear Diary,

I hate Farkle. I hate him. How dare he, after he comforted me in Texas, and listened to me cry for TWO YEARS about Lucas, how dare he ruin the night like that?

He knows that what he did wasn't the right thing. He knows that I'll probably spend the rest of winter break crying in my room. But thoughts of Riley clouded his vision, and he forgot about me. Just like everyone else.

I'm so tired of having to fight so hard for one sliver of happiness. I'm tired of everyone looking at me with pity, I'm tired of losing all the battles. I'm just tired.

x.

Dear Diary,

So... freshman year. The next four years are make or break for my future. You need to put in more effort. You need to get good grades. It isn't middle school, you can't play around any more. No fun. No friends. Just homework.

I knew I was going to hate high school the second I graduated. There's too much change. Too many things are different. Your whole world gets turned on it's side, and there's nothing you can do.

Matthews says to just "hold on to the ones you love," but really, I feel like I would hold on to a lot of people who wouldn't hold on to me.

I haven't spoken to Riley or Lucas since graduation. Since the kiss. Mr. Matthews always tries to invite me over, but Riley always kicks me out. Lucas won't respond to my texts, and Farkle and I haven't been friends since New Years.

Not an ideal way to start out your high school career. No friends, no family, no faith in what's to come. Hope is for suckers.

xi.

Dear Diary,

I've been reflecting a lot on relationships lately, and I think I've come to a conclusion.

Riley has been my friend since I was six years old. She's like the sister I never had, but in a way always did. She's smart, and beautiful, and gets all the guys, and I think I've been resenting her for that lately. I think that all this time we've been fighting, I've been waiting for her to make the first move, when really, I need to be making an effort too. I've been so blindsided by everything that's happened lately, I forgot how important she was to me.

And Farkle. I've been so cruel to him since New Years, and I've tricked myself into believing that I had a valid reason. But I forgot that things don't work the same in his freaky, genius brain. I forgot that he really was just trying to do what he thought was right, and I can't resent him for that. Because he's been loyal to me and Riley since the first grade. One mistake doesn't erase 10 years of friendship.

And Lucas. The day I first met him on the subway, I knew this stupid cowboy was going to come in and change everything I thought I knew. And he did. He came in with bright smiles, and a stupid accent, and a white horse, and changed it all. I always swore that I would never fall in love, not after my mom and dad. But I think that's something he changed too. I love him, and that's the beginning and the end of everything.

And, frankly, I can't wait to see what comes next.


End file.
